I remember it was a rainy, cold and downright depressing winter day in Seattle. The gray skies, piecing wind and nasty looks on people’s faces didn’t help what I was dealing with at all.
That was the day I realized I didn’t know what to do.
I had worked my ass off for almost 2 years on my mobile payment startup Seconds, but too no avail. The writing was on the wall. Yes, we had customers and yes we even had revenue. But no, we weren’t growing and no we weren’t able to raise money to continue forward as a team.
The thing was I didn’t know what to do.
Do I simply shut it down completely? Quit cold-Turkey? What about our existing customers? What about our reputations? What would others think if we “failed” at our startup?
I was also broke.
I had gone 15 months without pay, barely living off credit cards and other things I scrambled together. It was terrible. Some days I didn’t have enough money to eat. Some days I struggled to buy a ferry ticket home and so I slept on a floor in the office. I was riding the ferry to and from the office each day because I had no way to pay rent, so I chose to stay with my sister and her family – an hour and half away across the sound from Seattle. Graciously, my family and friends helped out when they could which to this day I am ever grateful.
I was definitely worried for myself, not “OMG will I ever be successful” worry but more like “holy crap, I am really on a sinking ship here.”
I didn’t want to admit I needed to jump ship before it sank, I wanted to ignore the holes and guide it to smooth waters. Why? Because that’s what “winners” do, right? But I knew the holes needed patching, and meant getting another job. I just couldn’t admit to myself the dream was over.
But I just didn’t know what to do. Then it finally hit me.
It all changed when I re-thought what the dream actually was. I realized my dream wasn’t about what I was working on at the time, but more about the person I was becoming in the process. The dream is about being an entrepreneur – the adjective – not the noun.
Entrepreneur – noun. A proprietor who owns their own business. A title.
Entrepreneur – adjective. A person who embodies the qualities of being Courageous. Innovative. Persistent. Agile. Intelligent. Savvy. Strong. Personable. Creative. Excellent. Fighter. Winner.
Once I realized all I needed to do is change the horizon I was gazing towards, everything changed. I removed myself from the echo-chamber of my head and finally understood, “YIKES, YES THIS BOAT IS SINKING AND I NEED TO GET OFF!”
So I jumped out, found something part time that would plug the hole (support me finically) and was able to live another day. I started to understand entrepreneurship is a life-long game and to win you need to embody the adjectives, not the nouns. Once I took that heavy financial burden off my shoulders everything started to get better, my head got clearer and my smile got wider.
I got my mojo back.
Being an entrepreneur is not a title, it’s a person. Or a persona. Or a set of characteristics that allow you to dig out of any shitty situation you’ll inevitably find yourself in.
When I found myself in a situation where I didn’t know what to do I simply changed my mindset, which allowed me to see the world in new ways. Sometimes simply looking at things from a different perspective is all it takes to change your own world.
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